Yesterday evening, a Mormon missionary appeared on my porch while I was holding my daughter. He handed me a Book of Mormon. I took it and tried to rush him away with "yes yes thank you", as one does, but he was very persistent about staying and preaching.
That is, until my daughter took the book from me and laid a deuce upon it.
No, really. She took the book from me, then shoved it down the back of her diaper, then said "UH OH DADDY". Somewhere between then and the moments that followed, there came to be poop on that Book of Mormon.
And then as a follow-up, when the missionary reached for her to retrieve the book for Joseph Smith knows what reason, she bit him.
I'm never potty-training this girl.