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Alch and his Amazing Flying Machine
fuckinalch
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Hey Internets did you know I had a web journal!!!!

Oh, what am I so worried about. It's Internet web journal tradition for people whose updates are never read to apologize for the lack of updates. But dammit, if I don't start Internet web online blogging more frequently, I'm sure to upset my audience of me!

Upsetting me is unacceptable. Only fucks do that.

Except sexual fucks. I wholly accept those.

With my dick.

Honestly I'd be more than content to let the whole Immortal Diary thing stay dead. But like something funny that keeps coming back, I keep coming back. But it's for a good reason this time! Internet, I have something I have to chronicle to you!

I OWN A FUCKING BOOKSTORE.

That's right! Sir Nicholas Carson Daly owns his own good times store for reading, coffee, Yu-Gi-Oh! and hot glasses and plaid skirt wearing chicks who will not have sex with you because they seem to think Yu-Gi-Oh! is for faggots!




That's about it really.

Stay frosty, Patrick Duffy.



I HAD SEX WITH THIS ENTIIIIIIIIRE FIELD

[19:41:32] Alcholas says:
Wait so your high school crush who you never actually hooked up with is sleeping with your sister now
[19:42:45] Alcholas says:
it's like I'm ACTUALLY WATCHING A REAL TEEN DRAMA
[19:41:54] Damnielle says:
that's not the part that pisses me off
[19:42:04] Damnielle says:
but if he thinks he's going to fucking knock up my little sister like that
[19:42:12] Damnielle says:
then he damn better have the good grace
[19:42:20] Damnielle says:
to at LEAST lick my nipples or something
[19:42:55] Alcholas says:
women are a complex breed.


I stole your thing Jon you are a fuck

I don't really pay attention to sports much, except for Women's Volleyball. And not for the reasons you'd think, either. Secretly, I am only interested in the players' breasts and tits.

However, at Super Bowl parties, they serve potato skins.

Motherfuckin' potato skins.

The Super Bowl is awesome. Now I just have to figure out what is a football

Today I got interviewed for television news!

Only it was less television news and more a cheesecake

And it was less an interview and more me eating a cheesecake.

Still, I got to get grilled about my positiontential at the future site of ALCH'S GOOD TIME FUCKING BOOKSTORE (patent pending), and it involved a Googling of my name to see if I was up to anything unbecoming on the Internet.

That's right, Laramie. My full name.

On the Internet.

For a fleeting moment I was worried that, somehow, this very Internet Soapbox would find its way to the top of the results. Perhaps, even, if the chef was feeling lucky.

But it was okay. Because I've never associated my real name with this spewchuck full of fuckfaggots and penisbayleef. But just in case, I better make myself very clear: I, Nicholas Walter Carson, disassociate myself with the ramblings and frothings that wind up on this Interfuck, including the notions of holding soft serve ice cream as a diety, the non-consensual molesting and violating men with the surname "Samuels", or Adolf Hitler defecating in sandboxes.

That said, tune in next week, when I'll show you how to properly cook, prepare, and serve Blaid's virgin baby.

Why yes Bethany I do in fact have more to say than FAGGOTS in uncomfortable contexts

It's been two years what has Alch been up to all this time

Alch has been up to FUCK YOU

Let's shut up about Alch and talk for a second about Nick.

Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Nick Niggers Nick

I am've a dominion over my job at the greatest bookstore ever! And by this I mean five years ago I got a part time second job on the weekends to help fund my wedding to my wife who sometimes I have sex with, then after the place I for real worked at after colleging for two years to learn its every facet shut down because of a conomy, my part time job became a full time job! Except then I got the shit promoted out of me and now I'm in the running to become the owner of this store when the owner retires next year! The store is awesome! It has its own cafe and hobby shop! I'm going to own it maybe probably! When it is mine I will rename it the FUCK YOU I AM BOOKSTORE

I am've a new house! The second greatest being ever to walk post-Dinosaur Earth got herself an award for being great at writing a children's story! It made us have money. Then she got fat. We needed a bigger house to fit all that fat! Dang. She fat. It's all better now though. She had this great 40 week regimen that got her back in shape like crazy! Also we have the party limo on the side of the new big house still. Now people see it because it's not just a back porch! They think we're classy fucks. We fuck their classes!

I am've a child! Sometimes she poops. Sometimes she doesn't!

Nick is going to the future!

What is Alch doing then?

Dunno

My MSN display picture is still a fucking Smash Bros picture with a Don't Taze Me Bro joke? Fuck, man. I should log on MSN more. That's just sad.

Tags:
Current Location: to rest
Current Mood: a nest
Current Music: incest

What I Want for Christmas
By Nicholas Alch

When I was little, I had a pet named Jimmy. I forget what Jimmy was. For Christmas I would like to remember what Jimmy was. I think he might have been a cat. He liked to poop in sand and I hear that's the sort of thing cats do? He also ate Jews. So maybe he was Hitler. Did Hitler poop in sand? I don't know. I never met Hitler. If I ever invent time travel, I'll have to ask Hitler if he pooped in sand.

I would also like an XBox. But boy the controllers on that there XBox are large, aren't they? They're so big they remain topical an entire gaming generation later. That's how big they are. My penis is also big. So, there's that.

I would also like a 13-year-old Chinese boy. All of my friends like Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games, and I feel left out as I consider them a blight upon my penis which is large and also the Earth. I think a 13-year-old Chinese boy would beat all my friends at Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games and then they would be all, "Oh man Alch, you are so good at things, would you like to have sex with us?" Then I'd have sex with them. Even the guys, because I'm so straight that when I fuck a man I don't turn gay. Instead that man turns gay twice. Also, my penis is straight when it is erect, and also quite large.

Finally, my ultimate Christmas wish is for the ability to use "Blaid is a virgin" jokes again. That fucker fucked up fucking and now he's got a kid, for which I laugh at him because the whole thing could have been avoided with a Falcon Punch to his bitch's uterus. Regardless, whenever I call him a virgin now, he shoves his baby in my face. Stupid fucking baby. Maybe I should start calling his baby a virgin. That'd show it.

So you see from this, I want these things for Christmas. I think I deserve to receive these things for Christmas because all I got for Christmas this year was bubble soap (which, yes, I have fucked, thank you for asking). I guess this whole ordeal is understandable, as I have already received a hollowed-out limousine which is now my porch. Yeah, my life pretty much kicks all the asses.

Current Location: Starnge
Current Mood: Flavor
Current Music: BRRRRRNYOWOWOWOWRRRRAOBPSHHH KICKASS

IN A.D. 2001 WAR WAS BEGINNING

BUSH : WHAT HAPPEN
GIULIANI : SOMEONE SET US UP THE HIJACK
CHENEY : WE GET SIGNAL
BUSH : WHAT
BUSH : MAIN SCREEN TURN ON
BUSH : IT'S YOU
BIN LADEN : HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN
BIN LADEN : ALL YOUR COUNTRY ARE BELONG TO US
BIN LADEN : YOU ARE ON THE WAY TO DESTRUCTION
BUSH : WHAT YOU SAY
BIN LADEN : YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE MAKE YOUR TIME
BIN LADEN : HA HA HA
CHENEY : PRESIDENT
BUSH : TAKE OFF EVERY BOMBER
BUSH : YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DOING
BUSH : MOVE BOMBER
BUSH : FOR GREAT OILS

Current Mood: Dammit, I'm funny.

Ten dollars, please.

IT'S SO SUPER-FUCKING-EFFECTIVE I THINK I MIGHT VOMIT!

Current Location: Hello!
Current Mood: You're my friend now!
Current Music: YOU ASSHOLE.

ZOMGCRYSTALS

owate Blaid beat me to it.

















Blaid ruins everything beautiful. =(

Current Location: THE MOON, BITCH
Current Mood: The "In" Crowd
Current Music: interFUCKINGcourse

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Tags:
Current Location: rocket
Current Mood: rocket
Current Music: rocket

My third and fourth dearest friends ever made a Wikipedia page detailing my uber-splendor. I'm told that the twenty minutes in which the Wikipedia page existed had sex with multiple Latinas.

Oh, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alch , I hardly knew ye.

Current Mood: Hickadula
Current Music: Let's fuck on the pizza

Guys, I have a LiveJournal now. It's great.

Current Mood: Exactly.
Current Music: Yes

Mister Samuels, why won't you let me rape you?

Current Mood: Not tryin' hard enough
Current Music: Game Boy Coulouur

Soft serve ice cream is godly. Oh, lord.

Current Mood: Epynonymous
Current Music: DILDO teehee

i have a blog guys im an emo

Current Mood: oh fuck
Current Music: huh
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